Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Monday, September 17, 2012

People of the Bridge: To whom it may concern

First off-
Thank you for the feedback.  People of the Bridge has gotten some hilarious feedback.  I appreciate it.  It's gotten more hits than I ever expected which is awesome.  However, it also means that I am now petrified that my arch nemesis will someday come across this and come after me. YOLO.

On to the matters at hand.

Dear to whom it may concern,
Many of you have written/or said in person that you would like to accompany me on my walks.  I love you all.  NOT GONNA HAPPEN.  Sorry.  I'd like to tell you that it's my only source of Sarah time and that I need it to get through the day.  (that is 16% true.)  My reasons for walking solo are dumb and probably make no sense.  But, they are my reasons nonetheless.  Truth is- I'm an insecure, nervous bridge walker.  I LOATHE walking with any other human (minus a few of you).  I don't even like walking with a dog.  I always feel like I am slow.  So if we were walking together, I would be paranoid that I was holding you up.  That would then take me down the rabbit trail of insecurity which would ruin my walk.  I would eventually be stressing out as to whether you still liked me etc. All because you can run up that damned hill faster than me.  Plus, when I drag this sack o potato's up that bridge- I don't talk.  Sorry- have to save all the breathes that I possibly can... Naturally.  So we would be walking in silence.  Awkward silence.  I just can't give up a good situation to some needless awkward silence.  I couldn't take ridiculous selfies or wave at random cars as they pass while I pretend to know them (if you do see this hot mess walking in the morning- you better honk that horn).  I would feel weird sneaking random pictures of strangers if you were with me.  It's much easier to creep on the people as a solo act.  You could blow my cover...  I would feel awkward singing Eddie Money and Celine Dion if I knew you could hear me.  Also, most everyone that I know is a cute dresser.  You are blessed.  Take the compliment.  Run with it.   Fact-I am not a cute dresser.  I'm okay with it.  I've been living with this epidemic for 26 years now.  But, it would not help my situation to walk next to you.  I would secretly want to trip you because you would be wearing a cute little exercise outfit and I would prolly be wearing my usual old, hole filled t shirt, old soccer shorts and an ugly backwards hat.  It's who I am.  I just don't care about clothes.  I can't have you showing me up.  So really its me, not you... Sorry I'm not sorry?

Dear Arch nemesis,
In case you ever come across this (when hell freezes over)- I'm sorry.  You were innocent.  Yes, you are an over achiever and you wear really cute clothes, but I'm sure you have a good heart. 

Now that I've got that out of the way..

Today I spotted you.  You were running right at me.  I panicked.  100%..  I was guilt ridden (from calling you my nemesis).  You were less matchy today, but you were hauling arse down that bridge.  I immediately thought that you would know and were coming for me.  I'm pretty sure that I just stood still as you passed.  I didn't know what to do.  I was also speechless, which in itself is a miracle.  You beat me today, but there is always tomorrow.  Watch out because this situation is coming at ya...

Walk on (separately),



  1. Did I ever say thank you for listing me as a blog friend. Thank you for listing me as a "blog friend" You have kindly sent lots of your friends to my blog. GRATEFUL.

    And do I get credit for the idea that this needs to be a book. I am serious. This stuff is HILARIOUS.

    You bless the sox off me.


  2. Now I understand why you disappeared on me when I ran into you in our hood...but I feel honored that once sully dog and I caught up to you we were allowed to walk with you for a few minutes. We are technically among the chosen few!