They are psychotic alien creatures masked by tiny humans with ice cream dripping from their ears. Ok. I feel better. I like kids. No, I love kids. So please don't get offended. But, I just need to paint a picture here.
I randomly get to do some photography work for Chick Fil A and in return I get paid in coupons. Which is AMAZING. That being said, I was meeting my friend (who is a mom and totally understood the sitch that was happening) at the chicken factory. Now, I understand it was lunch time and moms are in complete survival mode. This by the way is not directed at any moms, just noting that kids turn into crazy alien tiny humans while at chick fil a. We were catching up because we hadn't seen each other. We were seated near the play area. I will add that the chicken factory was jam packed. I had to circle the lot like 127 times and had to fight several mini vans for a spot. When I found one, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. It is a dangerous world there in the tiny ass chick fil a lot during the lunch window. I saw about 300 mini vans with stick figures on the back and felt like such an outsider.. While we were catching up, I kept hearing these brain crunching screams from all over the building. The Aliens. Running crazy. Tasting freedom. I felt so bad for the moms. They have to deal with this every single day. For a very long time. There they were, thankful to have made it into the outside world, to have other adult interaction, only to have the little tiny people reuniting with their own kind and running crazy. Taking out little babies and the elderly as they dart for the play area, taking down anything in their path. One by one, they would pass our table. Staring at you like you are one eyed. Kids have an incredible stare stamina by the way. They will lock eyes and hold it for a solid amount of time. Just enough time to make you question your entire self. Why am I, the 28 yr old, feeling insecure?? As they passed I noticed one had ice dream dripping from his ear ( a solid drip flow). I saw one with ketchup all over his rear (probably going to spread it onto something or someone else). I even saw one threaten to hit another mom in the face with his shoes. Its dangerous in there. Then I heard this incredible banging noise right next to me. I thought a window was breaking. No. Just a kid banging a matchbox truck into the window with all of his might right next to us. Staring us down.. It was an attack of the tiny humans. They clearly have strength in numbers. All I could think about were the moms. The poor moms. Run ragged by the tiny aliens. Day by day. I bet they are so glad school is starting back up. Seriously. I don't know how you do it. This Buds for you.
Until next time,
Traumatized 28 yr old kidless single person
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
I am different. I know this. I get anxiety about the dumbest things. I don't get anxiety about normal anxiety causing things. Just saying, I am aware. Going to the gym is a sticky wicket for me. Sometimes its a major struggle and sometimes its not. Like if I make it to the parking garage, I have to totally talk myself into actually going inside- but once I'm in- its game on. Same with the locker room. I hate going into the locker room every morning because I fear turning the corner and facing a pair of 78 yr old butt cheeks looking me right in the eye or the naked lady that just stands in the middle of the lockers and likes to make eye contact. No mam. I also used to have a fear of running on the track when it was crowded.. I think I'm past that one now. I'm still scared of the locker room and rightfully so. So insert today's lovely experience. I am not one of the people who strip on down and head to the shower, shower and then strut around in my towel. No. I am the chicken who takes all of her stuff to the shower and gets the shower and the changing done in my 10sqft of shower stall. That is me. So today I had one of my most awkward moments. I was exhausted slash half asleep in the shower. Not paying much attention and slightly hostile because some lady was hogging my favorite shower. So I had to move to another (I only like the ones on the end..) I always forget this one has kind of a larger gap by the shower head between stalls. I usually don't care, but today was not so good. I was showering and after a while I opened my eyes. My head happened to be pointed toward the other stall. Well, somehow the other lady in the other stall was looking at the exact same time. Let me just say that we made the most awkward eye contact I have ever made (and I have had some bad ones). I mean, there she was. There I was in full middle school freeze up. I do not want to make eye contact with anyone through a shower stall hole. Well, being the nerd that I am, I totally panicked and ducked. Ducked. Like a dipwad. Seriously? Like she wouldn't notice that I just ducked... Then I felt super awkward. So I took an extra long time getting dressed. I also realized I was holding my breath (Like she wouldn't know I was 2 ft away behind the stall wall.. Good lord. I totally waited for her to get fully dressed and exit the locker room before I left my hiding spot in the shower. Just when I think its safe, I round the corner. Only to be met with butt cheeks. You're welcome.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
I have a more serious post coming your way, but I have zero energy and zero motivation. Sorry. I promise to get back on the horse at some point. I realized that I have completed exactly none of my summer goals. Oh well. Here is a little summer recap.
Got to go surfing a few times with these ones
Celebrated the 4th at the Carmody's with the Sutherland boys
Boat church with some dear ones
We celebrated birthdays
Road tripped to DMB
with thousands of dearest our pals
Got to visit with my girl Libby
Hit the pier
And finally found some cooler weather in the mountains with some of my favorites
Seriously - best road trip crew ever.
Zero goals accomplished. Still pretty darn good:)
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
I'm going to stick with the Young Life theme today and tell you about the second best camp experience I ever had. 2006. I had never actually left Charleston for more than a week. Some how, some way I applied for YL summer staff. And some how I got it. In British Columbia. Hot damn. I will admit that I had a panic attack/mild heart attack at the air port gate, begged my dad not to make me go and maybe cried... Short of the story is that I made it to camp. And never wanted to leave. I made the greatest friends from all over the country. I also forgot long pants... I can't explain it, but YL life camp is life changing. Malibu Club in British Columbia is magical. Good things are pretty much guaranteed to happen. And happen they did:) I also happened to score the best job ever possible. I was in charge of the dock and stuff. Stuff as in boats:) Basically I spent my entire day on boats, on the dock and talking to people. With a slight chance of a nap in side my dock house.. We also got to chill with Bob Goff at his house. And got to play street hockey every week. I was sold..