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Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Fat Camp: The Skinny Bitch

Hello people. Sorry for my very long absence (Stephen reminds me daily). I have been occupied. I am not like the normal people. I can't work, be social, keep dragging my ass to the gym and try to eat healthy at the same time and blog. Nope. It literally takes all of me to keep going to the gym more and going to Taco Hell less. (Tears)  But, alas, sorry for the absence. As you know, I have been routinely getting my ass kicked at the gym this past year. And I've also stopped eating. Jk. But it feels like it. I've been grieving the loss of my old lunching life. Sad day my friends. Even though it has COMPLETELY sucked, we have had some good results. I routinely complain/cry/bitch/moan to my dear friend about this. All of the time. She is like my fat camp AA sponsor. I think she secretly enjoys it though, so sorry I'm not sorry. She came up with this theory. The skinny bitch. It has been defined by its creator as: the focus and energy it takes to look good and be thin clearly makes people a little stressed and severe. I think they are plain HUNGRY. Let me explain. Most really skinny/fit people we know are at times bitches. You have to be. To keep up the bod, the healthy eating, the dream weaving- you have to. The more cray cray I become, the bitchier I tend to be. We also joke that my end goal is to become a skinny bitch. The person who goes out to dinner and gets a side salad. Keep in mind, if this ever happens to me then hell has probably frozen over. No joke. Actually that probably will never happen. Basic end goal- Walk through Costco without sampling every damned free sample that is edible. Or not sampling fried chicken off the Whole Foods hot bar while no one is watching. Let's be real- someone saw that. Not cool. But, it doesn't matter. Its done for the goal of skinny bitch. You must convince yourself that you'd rather look good. You turn into a biatch, but you are a skinny, starving, deprived biatch. But, you look good. So there you have it. I have been trapping myself in my office and the gym, eating rice cakes and chia seeds. Just kidding... I'm not cured. I say all of this in fun (don't be offended if you are a skinny biatch-its a term of endearment. I hope to join your ranks one day..). Until next time, Keep Eating (I'm with you in spirit), The not so Skinny Bitch

Monday, February 16, 2015

SEWE 2015

Got to spend Saturday and Sunday enjoying the Wildlife Expo with some of my favorite people. Sorry for the photo overload. #sorryimnotsorry #thetwoofthemareridiculous
 

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Fat Camp: The freaking fit bit

Hello there. Hope all is well on your end. Well, good news is that I've still been going to the gym and I'm losing more of myself everyday (literally). Hehe.



All joking aside, lets get serious. I got a Fitbit for Christmas. Yes. (Long time ago I would have been wondering if getting a Fitbit was some type of hint, but because I had already humbled myself by this point in time with fat camp- the gift was much wanted and appreciated). Since Fitbit and I have become attached, I have decided to give it a name (I attach easily). I named the Fitbit Florence (sounds artsy). So Florence and I have become quick friends over the last month. Florence is set to have a goal of 10,000 steps. Which prior to her arrival, I assumed was easy. No problem. Or so I thought. WTF. I was trying and trying and trying to get ,y freaking 10,000 steps. Seriously. I would go to the trainer at the gym, then to work and so on. I would be around 7,000 to 8,000 steps. I would never make it. One night, as I was getting ready for bed around 11:50, I noticed that I was only a couple hundred steps away from 10,000. Praise God. Finally. So I started walking in circles around my tiny Harry Potter sized house. At this point, I have lost my marbles. I am getting excited. Almost giddy. That's right. I'm going to beast this 10,000 steps. Right when I'm about 30 steps away (I covered a lot of ground in my tiny house) the clock strikes midnight. Just like Cinderella, my hopes were dashed. I did not know this at the time- but Florence resets at midnight. Much to my disappointment I did not hit my goal. I WAS PISSED. I won't even lie. So mad. I am pretty sure I called my friend Anne just to tell her how close I was and how sad I was that I didn't get it (she already knows I'm crazy so this was no big deal).  So after my Cinderella fitbit flop, I was on a freaking mission to get my 10,000 steps. Meanwhile I read all of these articles about how old people use it and they love getting their 10,000 steps in daily. I call BS on that. Liars. I bet they only rack up half that (And I am being generous). Moving on. This ordeal sent me on a cray cray mission of getting my 10,000 steps. Well, as luck would have it, I finally got the damn 10,000 steps on one of the days I was moving. All of a sudden my wrist started vibrating like crazy (I thought I was being electrocuted or something). I looked down and Florence was going berserk. The screen was lighting up and celebrating. I saw that I had hit my 10,000. OMG finally. I felt like I had just one the lottery. My phone was lighting up congratulating me and I was getting emails and texts from fitbit telling me I was awesome. No one at the time could possibly understand my athletic glory.... Haha. But really. I may have saved my Fitbit email for a few days just as a small trophy. So there you have it. I have hit the goal 1 time....


I would also just like to add that Fat Camp and working out can make you a little cray cray. Just saying. I mean, the whole deal is a little crazy any ways. I'm reading food labels, getting used to naked people at the gym, dealing with Whole Foods and its people and I'm freaking drinking Apple Cider Vinegar- WHICH IS HORRIBLE. And now I am friends with and named a fitness step counter that sends me messages and vibrates on my arm.



Sunday, February 1, 2015

PG Semi

I got to take pics with some of my favorite kids yesterday for Porter Gaud Semi Formal. I know I am biased, but these are some pretty cute kids. Just sayin. 


Monday, January 19, 2015

Here comes the bride

I got to take bridal portraits for the first time last month. I was absolutely terrified. 100%. However, I got to take them for the most laid back, non terrifying, non bridezilla on the planet. She's pretty much a badass. Here are a few favorites: