Pages

Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Take me there

I'm a pretty good live in the moment gal.  I appreciate the here and now as well as anyone. Let's be real- I'm sentimental and could connect with a brick wall.  But, alas, my mind has its wanderings. Have you ever seen pictures that completely inspire you?  Maybe even make you cry?  Today I was looking around and would have given anything to be transported to wherever these were.  Sometimes its good to do a little wandering:) Sometimes I think we need a little inspiration.  So here's mine for today.
 In search of the perfect swinging waterlights!!!beach life
sadie + stella: For the Seafood Lover in You - Lowcountry Boilanother snowy cabin with lights (Photo By: James Carriere Photography)
Bookshop Windowvintage. writer's desk. art.
Man Fly Fishing

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Tuesday Truth


Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

I think we don't often realize the power that God has given us to love people.  He has given us the power and authority to love people as he does. To do life with each other and to help spur one another on.  In big things and in tiny things. We can be Jesus with skin on.  We can truly show each other the body of Christ.  Pretty cool:)

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Hot mess express

Lately, I have been super emotionally. Like girly emotional.  This is kind of new to me. I usually like to have a little emotion and then push on.  But, it appears that I'm changing my ways.  Sometimes against my choosing. All aboard the hot mess express.  Any ways, it has all got me thinking.  I keep thinking about the word vulnerability. Vulnerability means you are liable to be wounded. Doesn't that sound awesome...  But for real do we really want to be vulnerable?  I've thought about this.  A lot.  Being vulnerable is not telling some one (the right someone) all the good stuff about you.  Unfortunately, being vulnerable is the good and the bad. Even the ugly.  And boy it can be UGLY.  Trust me.  It is a huge risk.  But, I keep thinking about how special it is to be known. How special it is to be loved. And how incredible and freeing it is to be known and loved.  At the same time.  It kind of blows my mind. 


I have also thought about it in a deeper way. Sometimes its a lot easier for me to be vulnerable with a dear friend and maybe not so much with God. Even though God knows it all, I tend to be less communicative.  And I think it has to do with control.  I also think it has to do with fear.  And then I got to thinking, have I truly given God my heart?  Have you?  I am not sure, but I'm definitely going to be thinking about this a whole lot more.  I know the fears I have and the trust that I lack. It's a vulnerable deal.  It's like a giant pile of vulnerability ( lots of times I don't want to step in it.)...  How does one even actually walk this out? I'm not sure.  But, I have a feeling I will be finding out... Like it or not. 


I came across a Psalm that really struck me.  Being in relationship with God and each other is life.  Out of relationship with God and each other is death.  Sometimes I feel like its too easy to have one foot in each. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the power or even the want to always choose life.  Frankly, its harder and messier. But, we were created for life. We were made to be in relationship with God and with each other. From the very beginning we were made to be vulnerable and to do life together.  I think that is extremely hard sometimes and frankly, I don't feel equipped to do it. Luckily, for us, we don't have to be.  Please don't get me wrong, I rarely do this correctly (my people have to re direct me often).   I read this Psalm and it just got me. I want to be in the land of the living. ALWAYS. FOREVER.  I know that I have and do see the love of God through other people.  100%.  It is the most evident to me through people that love me and walk alongside me.  They risk it.  They are vulnerable and they are loving.  They are the land of the living and they are all in. They are in relationship with Christ and they are loving me. The more loved that we know that we are, the bolder and more confident we will be.  And I think that is where I find the Lord. Check it out. Love to you all.
Psalm 27:13 Remember this always.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Cruisin

I've been staying with the Jones kids this weekend and it has been pretty stellar. Last night I convinced the girls to go for a sunset boat cruise and much to my surprise, they agreed (with no bribery).  Last night was BEAUTIFUL.  I have probably spent half of my life floating on Hobcaw Creek, but I must say, last night was one of the best.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

McClellanville

Last weekend our bible study took a little road trip to McClellanville.  It was so fun.  I don't want to say I was surprised or anything (because I knew it would be fun), but it was AWESOME.  I love just sitting around talking until way late. Or going in the boat and just drifting around.  Early Sat morning Anne (we lead the group together) and I went on a little boat adventure. We happened upon some dolphins feeding and just playing. It was amazing. We must have just puttered around there for an hour or so in utter amazement.  Seriously- so cool.  They came right up to us and I swear they knew exactly what they were doing..  We just so happened to do the same thing Sunday.  I was legitimately sad when we had to leave.

I have to say- When our group first started, I was petrified. In fact, I thought maybe Cassie picked the wrong person to help with this situation.  But as time has passed, I have been amazed.  It has really turned into the coolest thing.  I love everybody in there. And that is pretty cool. I mean, there are like 30 lady friends in there. Crazy cool that all 30 are so cool and different.  I love that I am the youngest and the oldest is 80.  We are all about intergenerational-ness over at the SAMP.  I have learned so much in there:) I just feel so thankful to get to do it.  It does help that I get to help lead it with one of the bestest.  Here are some pics from our dolphin adventure:)


Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Getting Lucky

So I am feeling incredibly lucky right about now. This year I've gotten to help lead a bible study at St. Andrews.  There are a whole ton of reasons why I feel lucky (maybe I should say blessed?). One, is that I get to lead it with one of the best people that I know (and she hasn't killed me yet). Second, I have learned more in these last few months than I have learned in most of my walk (probably because I actually have to learn what we are bringing to the group).  Thirdly, I pretty much adore/want to be friends with every one of our people.  Like adore them so much that I want to tackle them when they come in the door.


Lately, we have been learning about the body of Christ. I hadn't truly thought about this in a while. Or ever.  All I know is that when I get to talking about it or reading about it, it's all I can do to not explode.  I finally figured out why.  I will admit that I am not the best at seeing/receiving God's love in the conventional ways. Like reading the Bible (I rarely do it) or praying.  I see it in people.  I see it in the Body.  And here is why. When we accept Christ, He is in our hearts. Forever.  Essentially, we become Jesus with skin on. Or at least we hope to be.  I have seen God's love in other people.  I feel EXTREMELY lucky because I feel like I am surrounded by incredible people. 


Here is where it gets interesting.  Life is about relationship. Love is about relationship.  Relationship is about love, vulnerability and sacrifice.  We were created to be dependent.  Shocker I know. However, we have been raised in a culture of self sufficiency and independence. In fact, we are taught to not need or even ask for help.  So when we do feel needy or not equipped, we don't love that feeling. In fact, I personally feel sick to my dang stomach.  Well, I hate to break it to you (and me), but we were created to be dependent and ask for help. From God and from others. What we don't or can't get from God, we have to get from others.  We were made to be in community with each other. This may scare some of you, but it is so reassuring to me (probably bc I feel ill equipped on an extremely frequent basis..).  We were created to do life together.  With God as the source and people by our side.  You see, because we have Jesus/God/Holy Spirit in our hearts, we in turn have God's grace in our hearts. And we have the chance to share it/give it to our people.  Our people hold us up. They support us. In the good, the bad and the ugly.  And we get to do it for others as well.  I LOVE THIS.  Seriously. I can't shut up about it.  When I feel the most loved by people, I feel the most loved by God.  It's real and it is tangible.  I know its extremely hard to be vulnerable. Trust me.  I don't like word vomiting to someone just as much as the next person. It takes me like 5 hours to get out one tiny little thing.  And then I usually feel like junk right after.  But, it keeps coming back to the same question.  Is the risk worth the reward?  Really think about it.  In my opinion. Yes. Hell Yes. It is worth it.  Seriously.  Think about it. 


Every time I read this quote below I want to cry.  Shot to the heart every single time. Can you imagine if you were known? And then truly loved?  If you were shown God's love?  I'm pretty sure it is worth it.  Now don't get me wrong. I botch this situation up on a daily basis. Trust me.  But, I keep praying that one day it will all click. Or that I would see God's love in it all.  I pray that I could do it. Really do it. That I could be real. That I could take the chances.  That it wouldn't take me 27 loops around town to talk about something that makes me want to die. (Bc chances are I'm probs not going to die) That I would not be limited by my own fears, doubts or negative thinking.  That I could become the one He created me to be.  It's not easy and I think it probably takes a shiz load of time.  And I am far far far from it. But, with some help and a whole lot of prayer, I think its a possibility.  Like it or not- Praying that for you all too:)

.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Dear Brother: THANKFUL

I honestly can't believe it has been a whole year.  I can't believe this many days have passed since I've seen that mischievous smile or heard that voice.  I truly can't believe it.  I don't know if I actually ever will.  This has been one hell of a year that is for damn sure.  I don't even know where to start.

I thought that I wanted to erase this year from my memory. I thought that I would never get it.  I thought that there would be a Rob sized hole in my heart forever.  I thought that I would forever want to punch Jesus in the face.  I thought that we wouldn't be tough enough to do this thing right.  I thought that God let me down.  I thought that I would not be able to say good bye.  I thought wrong.

This has been the hardest and most painful thing to walk through.  I hope that I (or you) never have to again.  But we will.  I can't tell you the amount of times that I just wanted to have 2 more minutes.  Just two minutes.  What I wouldn't give.  I want to tell him how much he means to me. I want to tell him how much I love and value him.  I want to tell him how special he is.  I want to tell him he is the strongest person I know.  What I truly want to tell him is that he has changed my life FOREVER.  

It's hard to put into words something like this.  Never have I felt so desperate or sad.  Yet, I felt a closeness to God.  I felt horrible and disappointed, yet I felt like somehow (out of my own comprehension) God has had me the whole time.  I will never understand why, but I understand something else.  I understand that it is worth it.  Rob is worth it.  God is worth it.  I understand that to love greatly is to risk greatly.  To love greatly is to lose greatly.  Following God and loving people is vulnerable.  It is one of the scariest risks we take.  But, we do it.  We do it because He first loved us.  It is what we were created to do.  It is how we were created to live.  

Losing Rob is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.  When Rob died I had never been so truly heartbroken.  I had never been so completely out of control.  I had never been so desperate or faithless.  I had never been so sad.  I had never been dependent on God. In fact, I had never needed God. I had never trusted Him fully.  I had never doubted more. But, I am different now.  Things are far from perfect, but things are different.  There is a depth that I never knew before.  There is a knowing that I have never known.  And for that I am eternally THANKFUL

I am thankful for hope.  I have never had a real hope for something more.  I know our boy is whole and healed and is truly living the way he was made to live.  That is where my hope is.  I am thankful that I had to come  to the end of my own self to realize that I had to die to self and rely on something greater. I realized that self sufficiency was getting me absolutely nowhere.  I am thankful for a peace that passes all understanding.  I am thankful for relationship.  The friendship and love that has come through this year is truly an act of God.  And I am forever grateful.  I am thankful for so many things.

I am thankful to have known the toughest boy ever.  I am so thankful for the boat rides, the grilled cheeses at Pitt St, the terrifying truck rides and the jokes.  I am thankful for having to have gotten to have our last Thanksgiving breakfast and listening to your complete nonsense on crocs and online shopping.  Those are things that I will keep with me always. 

What I cherish the most is knowing that Rob is not gone.  He is far from it.  Rob is a part of my heart.  We are so lucky to have gotten the chance to know him.  I want to be a better person because of him.  I want to be strong and tough because he fought harder than I ever could. Rob fought the scariest fight.  I want to love people because he did. I want to have hope.  I want to know and believe that God is sovereign and that He has us.  Always.  I want to fully trust.  I want to love greatly.  Because he is worth it.  God is worth it  We are worth it. We have a chance to do life with each other.  Every single day.  We have a chance to save lives.  We have a chance to change lives.  IT IS WORTH EVERYTHING. So that is where I am right now.  I'm still heartbroken.  I miss him everyday and think about him all of the time.  I don' know that I will ever be able to say goodbye.  I'm still angry and I still have questions.  I miss him every single day. But, I know that its ok.  I know that he is a part of me forever.  I know that it was worth it and my heart has been changed forever.  I know that God has Rob.  And I know that God has me. And for that, I am forever thankful. 

Missing you Rob Shore.
Love you brother.