Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

People of the bridge: Hot mess

Today was ugly my friends.  I clearly have no shame so here goes.  I got up way too early after some un anticipated late night pre bday fun.  I hit the bridge when it was still dark out.  I think I was still half asleep as I meandered up the bridge.  I even tried to listen to the Bible on my ipod. That didn't go too well.  As I was going up, I realized that I should have just stayed in bed.  Today was not going to be my day.  I kept my head down and headed up.  Well, I accidentally rammed like 2 people on the way up because I was trying to find some lovely Mariah Carey to listen too, but she was hiding.  The lady with the stroller did not appreciate my not paying attention to oncoming traffic.  Road hog. Then I get to the top.  Here is where it went real bad.  I have just gotten over a horrendous cold or whatever it was.  I rode it out all natural and used no Affrin, much to my chagrin.  But, I did blow my nose a ton.  Which always ends up in unfortunate situations.  I'm famous for getting a nose bleed at the worst possible moment.  For instance, high school graduation.  I had to walk across that dang stage with my nose to the sky.  Awkward?  Clearly I'm not scared for life.  Any ways, I get to the top.  Look out over the lovely water and do some contemplating.  When I feel my nose itch.  I got to touch it and realize that it is bleeding.  Awesome.  I also realize that it has dripped.  On to me and the bridge.  Really awesome. I bled on our beautiful bridge.  Now there are some people around me, so I have to act natural.  So there I stand.  With my head pointed to the sky.  Totally normal.  I stood there for a good 5 minutes and waited for it to subside.  I was nothing, but a hot mess up there.  Then of course the old lady posse in their running skirts and visors that I see everyday is stopping by to say hey.  Well as soon as I turn, they see the nice little bits of blood that I decided to accessorize with today.  So now there are like 4 grandmas asking me if I'm ok.  FYI- when I'm having a situation, such as blood loss etc, I like to keep to myself.  Draw no attention to it. I said Hi and bye and made my descent.  Which was just painful because I had no way of hiding the damage on my nice white shirt.  I got the stank eye from each passerby.  I'm sure I traumatized some small children and what not.  Just trying to keep it classy here folks. 

Bleeding Betty.

1 comment:

  1. i am telling you the book is forthcoming, friend. I want to laugh and cry but I don't know which first. The stank eye....girl you make life full and rich with your wacky prose. I love how you view life. elizabeth