Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

People of the bridge: The Hand Holders

PDA.  (Public displays of affection).  It's everywhere.  You really can't escape it.  It's like an epidemic that takes a hold of people.  Some have more severe cases than others, but they still need treatment.  No matter the degree of PDA, it's all around unpleasant if you are an innocent bystander.  It's always lurking where you least expect it.  Like on the bridge.  Where innocent people go to have some alone time.  Or to exercise. Or to sneak pictures of innocent people.  Take me (always innocent) for example.  Today, I woke up bright (it was actually quite dark) and early to take a peaceful stroll up the bridge.  Half way up, I notice people holding hands.  At first this doesn't bother me.  For a split second I think "aw that's sweet.  little delicate moment."  Until I realized that they are holding hands the whole way up. Then I took it to a whole nother level (I tend to do that). I think this only really erks me because I 100% could not hold hands up the bridge.  Not because I don't like touching (I'm doing better).  Actually, I still don't love touching.  It's because if I was on a date and we were walking the bridge- Hold that thought- if I was ever on a date and we had to walk the bridge- GAME OVER.  Donezo.  Sarah will have no bridge walking dates.  Any dates that will end in me sweating on a man is not going to help any body's situation.  Back to my thoughts.  If I was on a date and we were walking the bridge- 1) I would be mortified.  I received 100% of the Herb Sass sweat situation.  I have the supernatural power to break into a sweat just from walking out of my front door to my car.  In the driveway.  10 ft away.  (Don't judge).  Genetic disposition people.  So if we were walking the bridge I can guarantee some sweatage will be happening.  And there's this thing called gravity (she sucks for many reasons).  But, if we had to hold hands then I would most likely sweat down onto this person.  Things will most likely not go smoothly from there. 2) I also don't do sweaty hugs or anything else so its a lose lose situation.  I would then be embarrassed.  I don't do well after that.  3) There would also be no talking.  Lots of awkward silence.  I mean, I don't have a plethora of extra breaths hanging around when I walk the bridge.  I'm thankful to still have a pulse when I get to the top.  PTL.  Any who, back to my story.  So I pass the hand holders.  Did you catch that- I actually passed someone.  Just call me Mario Andretti.  Or I think Speed Racer has a good ring to it.  I walked to the 2nd tower and made a little u turn to head back.  I got back to the 1st tower to find the hand holders.  However, the hand holders had turned into the awkward embracers.  That hadn't made it very far.  They were standing at the benches. Having a tender moment.  Ew.  They were totally boxing out at the benches.  They were standing in between all of the benches.  That means that if anyone (like innocent old me) wanted to take a pit stop or ponder thoughts over the ocean, they would have to sit awkwardly close to the standing side huggers.  Then you would most likely have to listen to them whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears.  They totes looked like that type of uber cheeseball couple.  No thanks.  But y'all just make yourselves comfortable.  There you have it.  Just another day on that concrete hill.  Bottom line: Be careful when you want to unleash your PDA on people.

Peace and blessings...

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