Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Here goes nothing

I'm sitting here at Starbucks.  It's Thursday night.  9pm.  Isn't this what all the cool people do on Thursday nights?  Maybe not so much.  This is just what I needed.  I've been achy tired all week.  I've been paranoid that I am getting the flu.  But, I think God was giving me a warning sign.  A waring sign to slow down and re charge.  And that is what I am doing.  I brought about 5 books with me here and I have been buried in them. If you didn't know- I am a huge book nerd.  I've been reading all sorts of things.  All sorts of things are on my hear t tonight.  People I care about, things I care about and just general happenings.  But to be honest, I have been thinking about myself a lot.  Last night at Fight Club, I asked them 2 questions.  1- What is your deepest desire?  When I was asked this question, I really wasn't sure about my answer.  Well that's actually not the whole truth.  A whole lot of desires popped up.  But they weren't all Jesus worthy so I immediately was ashamed of myself.  Come on.  You are 26 years old and you aren't sure of your desire???  What have you been doing all this time...  So I thought about it.  A lot.  How can I ask 9 high school girls (who are awesome) what their desire is if I don't even know mine.  So here goes.  My desire is to love God, to love others as God loves them, to truly know God and to see others through Christ's eyes.  Simple right? 2- Are you living your life in a way to satisfy that desire?  Man, kick me while I'm down why don't ya.  In ways, yes I am.  In the obvious ways.  But, deep, deep down- there is a whole lot of room for improvement.  So I am going to try and work some of that out.

This week I started reading A Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  So far so good.  She has lots of good little nuggets of wisdom and truth to chew on.  So that is what I will be doing over the next few weeks.  Here is today's nugget.

"Being in a hurry.  Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.  I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.  But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...  through all the haste I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was throwing it away!  In our rushing We break our own lives.  Haste makes waste.  Hurry always empties a soul. "

So I am going to work on that one. I want to be present to what is in front of me.  Not just for a day.  Or for a month.  FOREVER.  I want time to take things in.  Time to laugh.  I want to live my life well.  

So there you have it.  I'm going to really try this.  Hope it works...  Dwight has been playing and singing 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman.  I would be lying if I told you that I haven't listened to it on repeat this entire time at Starbucks.  It makes me want to lie on the floor and cry my eyes out.  The song is so good.  It seriously gets my right in the heart.  I could write a whole nother post on this beautiful song.  I suggest you get it.  Here are the words to my favorite part:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

So I know this was long.  Sorry.  A little self therapy.  

Make good choices,


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