Transitionitis

Disclaimer- these are my recent thoughts.  No, I'm not making any life changes or anything.  Just doing a little processing. Don't judge, but I'm bout to get real up in here.  You may decide that I am crazy and that's cool.  I have friends so it's ok.  

The power T.  Its what I call transition.  I know I talk about this way way way too much.  But it's happening.  It's kicking my arse and taking names.  I have been trying to avoid it, but now I have just succumbed to the dang thing.  I have a big, fat case of transitionitis.  I don't even know how to describe it.  One day I can be sitting in my office, working, liking it, totally fine and content.  The next day, my mind can be flooded with questions.  What are you doing?  What if you should be doing something else?  Is this your highest and best use?  What do you want to do?  Are you going to be an old maid? (No I'm not desperate to get married, it would just be nice if I actually liked someone.  Just sayin.)  Or a cat lady?  Or a townie?  Yes, I'm a townie.  I don't want to go anywhere.  Love it here...Glad we got that settled.  Now you think I'm totally weird for talking to myself, but I happen to have loads of alone time during the day and what's a girl to do? Admit it, you do it to... Anyways, back to my point.  I HATE not knowing what I'm supposed to do.  Job wise, activity wise, people wise etc.  I feel like I can't control it.  I didn't know this before, but there is a 3% chance that I am a control freak.  Wow.  Awesome.  Let's add that to the list.  Cool.   A lot of times I feel like my friends are out doing cool things, changing the world, living the dream, moving to cool places, getting married & having lil babelets.  It's a vicious cycle.  I also have a problem of getting too many ideas in my head.  I have no idea what to do with them.  I don't know what I'm good at, so I don't know what I should focus on.  It's driving me cray cray.   Seriously.  I'm like up to 87% meltdown status.  I think I can hold it off for the time being.  Here is my other situation.  I can't make decisions.  I don't even like making them.  I used to be kind of good at them.  Now, I got nothin.  Lost my touch.  Now I am just a big ball of indecisiveness...just roaming the streets....It's a dangerous world out there people...I used to just make decisions and hope for the best.  Things usually worked out.  Now I try a different approach- prayer.  So far, I am more confused then before.  Maybe I am over analyzing.  Never good.  Today I also realized that I don't decide to do something unless I know that I will succeed at it.  What's that about??  No idea where that came from.  Okay, I know by now you are thinking that I have lost my marbles.  All of them. But I think this is "normal."  If it's not, don't tell me.  I do better operating in denial...  Seriously, I can't be the only person who thinks about this stuff.  So there you have it.  Me.  As of right now.  In a nutshell.  I wish I was put together, well informed, highly motivated and living the dream, but we can't do it all, be it all or have it all.  Right about now I am just hoping to remember to brush my hair and match my clothes.  And I think that's okay.  For the time being.  Yeah.  That's it.  That's all I've got.

Gone to find my marbles,

SRS