I have decided to do an experiment. On myself. Well actually, there is one more person doing the same on their self also. So I guess it's a tandem experiment. But I'm not telling anyone what the parameters are because I don't want to skew the results. I did disclose it to one person, just so I could have some accountability and what not. I can tell you this much: I have been a little overloaded lately. Lucky for me I am a very high functioning overloader, but even us high functioners have to crash and burn sometimes. I tend to get overloaded in two areas: events and relationships. Plus I have a slight problem saying no. I always find myself saying yes, when I should maybe say no...or at least try and prolong the yes...Then there are my people. I just so happen to love my people, but I sometimes find myself on people overload. I accidently forget how to manage relationships. Then I feel bad. People get mad. Guilt sets in...It's a downhill slope. I always feel like I have to have all of my ducks in a row. All of my events of the day set up perfectly. Like if I am going to point A, I always like to know when I will then be going to point B. While at point A, I will wonder about point C....It's a bad cycle. It prevents me from fully enjoying the moment. I'm done with it. I'm going to try and just be. It also means that I have to be tough. I often feel lil twangs of guilt when friends/people I love say they don't see me anymore and what not. Then I feel like I have to prove something or whatever, because I don't want them to think that I love them any less. Because I don't. I love them all. At the same time. A whole lot. (I don't even know if this is making any sense whatsoever) (You can hit the x at the top of your screen whenever you feel the need) It's too hard. *Sidenote: Other person doing the experiment brought up a good point. Here it is. (If any of my friends are reading this, DO NOT BE OFFENDED. I am prolly not talking about you. I just need to vent this out. It's a good point) She asked if I was always the one going to visit and what not. Yes, that's me. She knows me too well. Note to self-become more mysterious. She wasn't saying this to be mean. She was saying that when people say "Hey we haven't seen you in forever." Tell them my address. Then they can come visit me. I don't know if I am that bold, but at least I am aware of it. Good to know. There are not enough hours in the day. Then you throw church stuff in there. Don't get me wrong, church stuff is not bad. It's just not always a good idea to be doing too much stuff. It's always way easier to pile stuff on then to take things off. You get bogged down. Then bad attitude sets in. And you know the story. After all of that, where is the time to play guitar? Or write? Or read? I mean I realized I haven't been reading hardly at all. I am normally on a 1 book/per week pace. (Confession: I realized I hadn't even read my bible (for fun-not to just look something up) in like 10 months. Hello? Throw up a flag. How in the world do I expect to grow if I'm not doing jack?? Don't judge. I'm just being vulnerable here) Or take pictures? Or go on the boat? Or go on adventures? Or play pranks on your neighbors..It disappears. And those are the things that fill this ol tank. And let's face it- we all operate a whole heck of a lot better when we have a full tank. So there you have it. I may have crashed, but I am trying to prevent the burn. Hence the experiment.
See you soon...or maybe not,
your lil scientist friend,