Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Today I saw love in person. I saw love walked out. Today was Ford's funeral. There was a whole lot of love gathered at 10 o clock today. And it was one of the most surreal yet sweetest things that I've ever seen. I honestly still can't believe it. Even just writing my scattered pointless thoughts on here are harder than normal. I was standing in there during one of the songs (sitting with some old YL leaders) and I just lost it. I was overwhelmed with grief, sadness and disappointment, but felt this overwhelming feeling of love. Love for Ford and especially love for his family and friends. He literally has sweetest family I have ever seen. They are precious. I thought about how if I am feeling this overwhelming love for Ford and the Henderson's, imagine how much love God has for Ford and for us. Even though I am not currently feeling the love, I am hoping and trusting that it is there. While I was standing there rain man was having a lot of thoughts. I will only traumatize you with a couple. I first thought about what I like to call a shit storm. As of late, I have felt like life is a bit like a shit storm. Excuse my French, but it is fitting. I thought of my feelings while standing in that room listening to the hymns. I thought about how sad I am. How disappointed I am. How mad I am. How unsure I am. How faithless I can actually be. And I thought about how bad I want God to just show up. I want Him to show up for me, for the Hendersons and for any of my people. But, then I thought about how and why I came to know Ford. I came to know Ford because of God. I had the chance of being friends with Ford because of God. God put me in YL and he brought Ford there and for that I am eternally thankful and grateful. I was standing there looking at all of the people and I thought how sad this was, but then I thought no matter how awful this is, I am still so thankful that there is Hope. And even though I am pretty much at the end of my own self I am going to keep hoping.