Hope

Today I saw love in person.  I saw love walked out.  Today was Ford's funeral.  There was a whole lot of love gathered at 10 o clock today.  And it was one of the most surreal yet sweetest things that I've ever seen.  I honestly still can't believe it.  Even just writing my scattered pointless thoughts on here are harder than normal.  I was standing in there during one of the songs (sitting with some old YL leaders) and I just lost it.  I was overwhelmed with grief, sadness and disappointment, but felt this overwhelming feeling of love.  Love for Ford and especially love for his family and friends.  He literally has sweetest family I have ever seen.  They are precious.  I thought about how if I am feeling this overwhelming love for Ford and the Henderson's, imagine how much love God has for Ford and for us.  Even though I am not currently feeling the love, I am hoping and trusting that it is there.  While I was standing there rain man was having a lot of thoughts.  I will only traumatize you with a couple.  I first thought about what I like to call a shit storm.  As of late, I have felt like life is a bit like a shit storm.  Excuse my French, but it is fitting.  I thought of my feelings while standing in that room listening to the hymns.  I thought about how sad I am.  How disappointed I am.  How mad I am.  How unsure I am.  How faithless I can actually be.  And I thought about how bad I want God to just show up.  I want Him to show up for me, for the Hendersons and for any of my people.  But, then I thought about how and why I came to know Ford.  I came to know Ford because of God.  I had the chance of being friends with Ford because of God.  God put me in YL and he brought Ford there and for that I am eternally thankful and grateful.  I was standing there looking at all of the people and I thought how sad this was, but then I thought no matter how awful this is, I am still so thankful that there is Hope.  And even though I am pretty much at the end of my own self I am going to keep hoping.