Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Betty Bridesmaid's Epic Meltdown

Here is the situation.  No judgements please. I know that I have weird bridal anxiety.  No need to kick a dead horse.  So around the 1st week of January Biz delivered to us our bridesmaid dresses.  So naturally it  rode in the car with me a few days and then was migrated up to my room.  To bask in all it's glory in my closet at the girl palace.  Well, I may or may not of forgotten about it.  Until 2 weeks ago.  Two Tuesdays ago, at midnight I couldn't sleep.  My inner conscious was throwing up a flag.  So at midnight I got up and turned on all of my lights and opened the closet.  Judgement day.  I'm not super positive why I fear the dresses.  I think it has to do with some vulnerability/insecurity issues.  (I have now learned my lesson) So I begin to put the dress on.  All is well.  Until we get to the zipping it up portion of our ride.  Damn thing just won't zip.  Panic immediately sets in.  I'd like to say that it was mild at first, but we went straight into a stage 10 meltdown.  It wasn't pretty.  I took it off, said a prayer and put it back on.  Still a no go.  I tried that once more (by now I was desperate).  I mean, I had been eating Luna bars for weeks and my jeans have been sagging off.  What is the problem?  I decide to take the 3 other bridesmaid dresses out of the closet.  I put them all on to make sure that I didn't gain 211lbs since October.  They all fit.  Even better than before.  Oh crud.  What to do now?  I got back in bed.  To lie in my own miserableness for the next 6 hours.  I was racking my brain with terrible thoughts.  I've single handily ruined this wedding.  What do I do?  Why?  The bride will hate me?  Maybe I can dye my other dress?  Maybe not?  I have terrible luck.  Totally normal thoughts right?

I woke up early and went to work.  Counting the minutes until The Dressing Room opened at 10.  You know, the place I just love to go?? NOT.  Never have I been so anxious to get to the seamstress.  So I roll up.  Nerve racked and terrified.  I walked straight to the back to Ms. Betty.  The alteration angel.  She told me to calm down and strip down.  (Oh yay..)  So I get the dress on and she says, "ooh.  man.  this ain't good."  Oh man was I encouraged.  I seriously thought I was going to throw up right in the dressing room.  Luckily I maintained my sanity.  She sent me down to Bella Bridesmaid, but no one was there.  I literally thought I would die on the spot.  There I was.  Standing on King St.  Crying in front of La Hacienda.  Passerbys prolly thought that I had just been dumped or something.  I just decided to stand there and wallow in my disaster.  I walked on back to Ms. Betty.  Later I got in touch with the Bad A bridal Magician. If you don't know who that is- Its Allison at Bella Bridesmaid.  The only person that makes me want to buy a dress.  Mad skills people.  What can I say.  She worked her magic.

The magical piece of crinkled chiffon (who the heck would have thought that I would know what that is) that was needed to fix my wardrobe malfunction would be here next week.  Exactly one week before I would be tripping down the aisle.  That would mean that I would have just a few days for Ms. Betty the alteration angel to work her magic.  Let's just say that I have been on pins a needles.  For reals.  I went in today to check on the dress and guess what?  It was too big... So tomorrow I go back.  I now will no longer wait so long to try it on.  Procrastination, stubbornness and insecurity do not add to a situation my friends.  That's just a little nugget of wisdom if you want it.  No harm no foul.  So bottom line- the last two weeks in my own personal fashion world have been a bit hellacious.  So if you have found me edgy of late- now you know why.  So hopefully Saturday will be a good one.  I have to say- I like the dress.  Okay, okay.  I LOVE the dress.  I kid not.  I can see myself wearing it again.  To fancy princess balls.  To deb parties.  To weddings.  To Trader Joe's.  Okay. Maybe not to Trader Joe's.  I'm getting delirious.  So there you have it.  The most dress hating girl has come to love a dress.  Kill me now.

Here's to your inner princess,



  1. Sass, you make me so happy.

  2. from not even wearing pants to loving a dress...hell hath freezeth over