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Friday, July 26, 2013

The head and the heart

I had a little Ah ha moment the other day. To be quite honest, it was actually rather large.  And I think I pretty much shocked myself in disbelief.  I was talking/praying with a friend and something was said (that I have probably heard 1 million billion times), but for some reason struck the biggest chord. She mentioned being made by God.  I know, this seems incredibly basic, but something hit me.  Are you ready for this?  I, like you, was made by God.  I have no idea how I have made it this far with out fully thinking about this.  I can't tell you how many times I have told a young life kid or friend that they are precious in God's eye's because they are one of His.  Or that he knows every hair on their head.  All because he made them.  Not once did it ever cross my mind to say the same things to myself.  And I don't know if I'd ever heard it directed at my own self.  But, just the other night, sitting on a couch-not on some spiritual high, I felt like I heard it for the first time.  And I honestly am kind of flabbergasted by it.  I just wanted to cry after that.  Me?  really?  It's easy to think about God creating babies and such, but when you are 27, it's like you have to re learn something (or at least I do).  I know there are things that I don't get or fully believe yet, but I can't even comprehend what it will be like to fully grasp/feel and know how much God loves me.  And you:)

I have the ol dilemma I like to call the head and the heart.  I read a lot.  And learn a lot.  And process a lot.  I know so many things in my head.  Too many things.  But I don't always know them in my heart.  And as weird as it is, I'm okay with that.  Okay in that I am praying for more.  Asking for more.  I'm not sure why exactly I'm putting all of this out here, but I just feel like I'm supposed to.  It's easy (for me) to fall into my own insecurities (which are many) and doubts.  I can't tell you how many times I've listened to every single voice, but God's and I've seen what that does.  It's never good.  But, something hit me the other night.  We are all children of God.  No matter how young or old we are.  It doesn't matter.  I've just never let that sink in until now.  I wish I didn't have insecurities or doubt.  I wish I didn't second myself.  I wish I didn't feel like I need to get my ducks in a row to be a "real" child of God.  But, I do.  But, now I feel like something has changed.  I hope something has changed.  Now even more, I pray to know the full love of God.  To know he has me.  That He wants to have me.  And that my friends is what I pray for you.  For you and me, I pray that we know we are children of God.  That we know God is for us, always.  I pray that we would come to know the fullness of God and the fullness of his love.  I pray that we will have eyes to see and ears to hear the one voice.  I pray for each of our hearts.  For our thoughts and dreams.  I pray that we would know God's presence like never before.  I truly can't wait for the day that I know like I know.  That I have it in the head and in the heart!

Psalm 139:
or you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand
    when I awake, I am still with you.

1 comment:

  1. Well said. But even me with way less bible learning than you, I know God does not expect us to earn his love. He just plain does love us because he made us and is our father. It is like being a human parent, I love you and Lili because you are my daughters, I cooked you and gave birth to you and I just love you both because you are my children. You don't ever have to earn that or prove yourself for that love. Just like with God. God just loves you for yourself.

    Your mom.