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Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

People of the Bridge: Sweat Swapping Road Hogs

Yesterday I walked the bridge.  TWICE.  Yes, Hell hath frozen over.  I found myself with some free time (what??) and decided to declare Two a day Tuesday.  I'm not sure if this is a one time thing or not.  So I hit the bridge. 

1- I am sticking to my walking solo.  I happened to get a call from Heavy on the Veggie on my way up.  I was secretly thrilled by this.  I mean- she was my initial inspiration so it was only natural to be spotted by her at some point.  However, as we were talking, I was heading up.  I began to notice that my air supply was becoming limited.  I tried so hard to play it cool.  We talked the whole way up.  I was trying to imagine someone next to me.  Finally at the top we hung up and I thought that the Lord was calling me home.  I was sweating like it was no body's business.  Gross.  I mean really?  I've probably walked that concrete mountain 25 times in a row and I still can't talk/breathe/survive.  Oh well.

Dear Incredibly good looking shirtless man in the bright red shorts,
I would like to apologize.  I am sorry that I basically stared at you for like 5 minutes straight at the top of the bridge.  And bottom...  I felt like it was slow motion.  I bet you did not feel the same.  Weird, I couldn't breathe at this point either...  Sorry I faked like I needed to stretch at the bottom.  I thought you needed some company?  I almost even did a lunge... I promise I'm not a creeper.  But you kind of brought it upon yourself.  I mean, who runs with a 6 pack, tanned and shirtless?  Get it together. 

Dear Sweet Swapping Road Hogs,
You know who you are. (In case you don't- there you are)  You crept up on me from behind (no mam) and you almost plowed me right on over.  Lucky for you I have cat like reflexes.  I almost went all ninja style on you.  Not only do you run me into the guard rail, you give me the stink eye and you rubbed your equally sweaty arm against mine.  I thought for one split second that I was going to pass out on the spot.  Generally, sweat doesn't bother me too too much.  But, I just can't handle a stranger's sweat.  Well, maybe the shirtless man in the red shorts, but that's a long shot).  It wasn't a quick arm brush.  It was like you posted up and were planning to stay awhile.  One of my most awkward moments. Ever.  You passed me like I was slowing down the whole bridge.  I mean, yes I am slow, but I do not need to be trampled.  I was all flustered after that.  But then I happened to run back into red shorts guy.  And all was well with the world. 

Peace and Blessings,

Sassy Sweats A Lot.

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