Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Friday, October 26, 2012


Lately, I feel like I've been pretty lucky.  I've been learning a lot.  Some good.  Some bad.  Some I'd like to soak in lighter fluid and light that junk on fire (is that too dramatic??).  As soon as I think I've got something together, another little thing comes out of the woodwork.  I am figuring out that nothing seems to be perfect and that's just how life goes.  Just when you think it is, you've got another situation on your hands.  Here's a shocker- I will probably not be perfect. (Gasp)  Well, today I have decided to be okay with that.   Because really there is not a damn thing I can do about it.  Except attempt to learn from what I did wrong.  (Sometimes things do go right and I'm a fan of that..) 

So here is today's recurring struggle/learning opportunity (I've tried to drop this like a hot potato, but it keeps on coming back)

Can you relate?  This is me 100%  I'm 27.  I imagined that by this age, I would have it all together.  Rainbows and butterflies.  I remember thinking of friends that were older than me and thinking that they had it all together.  I was always awestruck by it.  I say "was" like i don't do that now..  This is where I am dragged down the bumpy road of comparison. I am probs the worst comparer out there.  Just saying.  (i'm insecure, so comparing comes naturally.)  (I'm waiting to find a way to cash in on this skill)   It happens.  Intentionally.  Unintentionally.  And when it happens- its when I trick myself into believing something that's not true.  It's when I feel like I've got nothing to offer or I'm not as good etc.  At times I feel like everyone that I am in relationship with is always rolling full speed ahead.  They are all good.  So then when I do something wrong, or just botch something- I never want to say something.  Then people will know that I'm a mess or that I have absolutely no earthly idea what the heck I am doing.  (Oh well.)  I think people especially my age, want everyone to think that things are perfect.  A ok.  There's this idea that we have to be perfect all of the time.  I know that that is not so much the case, but I forget and will then do a little comparing and that just never turns out good over here.  
So here is my solution.  (At least for today).  Freedom.  When I botch it up- I'm just going to yell air ball and take another shot.  I forget that it doesn't matter if I shoot a brick every once in a while.  Everything I do is not going to go right.  It's okay if I mess up.  It's what grace is all about.  I can't have it all and be it all all of the time. (No offense, but you can't either)  Life is messy.  Most of the people that I like and are dear friends- are probs messy too.  And they are most likely not perfect all of the time.  I seriously love people that are just real.  All the time.  How cool is it when you go through something and you finally get the cajones to speak up about it ( I tend to build it up in my head about 50 times worse than it already is)- the friend has been there and done that??  And they just might have some good advice to throw out.  I think that once we all feel freedom to just be who we are- when things are good and bad- we are actually living how we are supposed to.  When we don't feel pressure to be someone different.  When we realize that not everybody has it all together.  We can actually do real life together.  Isn't that the point?  

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