Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Friday, August 27, 2010

Housewife A La Sass

I have a few things to say tonight.  Many of you (well I don't know if anyone besides my mom and Stephen actually read this) are wondering about the title of this post.  I will address it in a minute.  Tonight's post is going to be a bit like a melting pot of topics.  So here goes:

Monday.  Me, Lulie, Megan and Beth went to the ATL.  We went to see our dear friends Ray Lamontagne, David Gray and Allison McCarthy.  AMAZING.  All three at the same time. No lie-one of the best concerts I have been to. Beth and I had amazing seats with funny people who gave us free beer.  And they were cute.  It was a win win.  Basically I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  No idea David Gray was so cool.  Moving on.

Today I got some really great news.  Insert major sarcasm at this point.  Some idiot box got a hold of my debit card number and decided to do some joyful spending. Forever 21 and Murphy's USA. $350. Real classy people. I really appreciate it.  I love talking to bank reps and getting my card cancelled.  And then being told I have to wait 10-14 business days for a new one.  Super pumped.  Give me your address and I will be sure to send you a thank you note.  Or even pay you a personal visit.

I have a serious fashion question. Carol Hannah-if you are reading this you may be able to help.  DISCLAIMER: I mean no harm or foul when I express my opinions on this topic.  Please do not quit being my friend or think I hate you.  Ok. Glad I got that out of the way.  What the heck is up with Rompers?  I do not get it.  I 100% dislike them. I am no fashionista as you are well aware.  But I got to say that rompers can not be cool.  It is an adult onesie people.  I took the liberty of looking up what a romper is on google.  rompers: A loosely fitted, one-piece garment having short bloomers that is worn especially by small children for play.  Case and point.  Worn by small children. Ages 15-54 is not considered small children.  I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I'm not a fan by any means.  I mean, they have themed ones.  Sorry.  Just had to get that off of my chest.  

Betsy and I just watched the Last Song. Yes, the one with Miley Cyrus.  I cried.  A little lot.  I don't know what came over me.  I may be a little emotional this week.  Ok-I have been a lot emotional.  So Betsy are sitting there and somehow we start talking about housewives.  And I suddenly realized that I, Sarah, would be an amazing housewife.  Right about now you are wondering what the heck is wrong with me, but just track with me a second. HW's are cool.  I believe I possess a certain type of skills that would be good in the housewife arena.  Now I'm not talking some snobby, tennis playing, nails getting done princess.  I'm talking legit bad *ss house wife.  What qualifies one for this?  
-Awesome cooking skills is very important.  I can make some good stuff.  I specialize on the grill and what not.

-Gardening.  I come from a strong background of green thumbs in my family.  I like to grow flowers, herbs and veggies.  Just living off the land you know.
-I like home furnishings more than the average person.  Well, if they come from Celadon. Or Anthropology.
-I have guns.  Not the muscle kind.  The real kind.  So I can protect the house.  Just ask my roommates.  Well, don't ask them bc they don't exactly share my love for firearms. 
-Not a big spender.  I like to be conservative in the $$ department.  So I am economical.
-I don't make a mess.  And I am not a terrible cleaner.
-I have kid friends.  This is key.  Its very important to have a wide variety of friends both young and old. Sometimes I can be found playing XBOX.  I'm not ashamed.  I like some of my kid friends more than some of the ones my own age.  Is that a crime?  Hope not.
-I have old friends.  I like old people.  (No, I'm not talking 40's. ) I'm taking grandmas.  I love em.  
-All the in betweens.  From kids to oldies. I love em all.  Thats important while being a HW.  You never know who could need your help/advice.  You always have to be on your toes.
-Luncher. I am pretty stellar at going to lunch. (however I have taken a break from this)  I love going to lunch with people. Pretty good at it.  Like to change it up a lot.  

So there you have it.  Not everyone has those set of skills.  Its natural.  Only one little problem. I haven't landed the husband part yet.  Now I'm not out on the prowl or anything, but I am aware that in order to be a housewife, one needs a husband.  One that has a job to support the housewifeness.  So please don't be getting the wrong idea about me.  I am not out searching for Mr. Right.  I just happened to have a revelation and Betsy told me I needed to record it.  There it is.  

Good Night,


  1. sass, this post made me laugh a lot. loved it. you would be an excellent housewife. and i'm super pumped about seeing ray/gray in Denver on monday! even more than i already was.

  2. Sarah, excellent observations. Absolutely no one over the age of 3 should ever be seen in a romper.

    And yes, you would make one bad ass hw. You certainly come by that honestly.

    Good blog, let me know if any progress is being made on the last part, I'll need to find a great place for the reception, one with a/c.

  3. Bethenny on the Real Housewives of New York wasn't married for a long you could even be on a reality television show about housewives without having a husband...I'm pretty sure you'd make a good candidate for Real Housewives of Charleston. :)

  4. I LOVE this post!! You are absolutely right about all of it but especially the HW part.

    I always thought I would be a good HW but I can only claim maybe 1 thing on your list... Thank you. I just had a revelation- i would NOT make a good HW.

    okay- what to do now?