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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Transition

*Disclaimer-this is not filtered.  Don't judge.  Just need a little vent sesh...

I can't believe I am about to say this.  Here goes.  I think I may have slipped back into TRANSITION.  Just so we are all on the same page, transition is the time period of the unknown.  I used to think that it was right after college until you get your first "real/big-girl" job.  Well, apparently it can sneak up on you after you get your big-girl job.  I said peace out to transition in August '09 when I went to work for the man (my dad).  Happy to never see it again.  Well, it has reared it's ugly, unsolicited head again.  I've tried to beat it off, but I am afraid it has arrived once again.  Have I ever mentioned that I HATE transition. Seriously.  I mean I went to bed Saturday night, feeling good. (maybe it was the blue moons and all of the dolphin)  Then on Sunday, I woke up, with an uneasy feeling (not the blue moons...I know what you're thinking).   It was more of an unsure, questioning feeling.  I knew it was coming.  It finally hit me head on while I was on the boat.  Taking in all the scenery.  Feeling a bit poetic.  Should have known it would get me when I was all vulnerable...  I started thinking about all of the unknowns.  Am I doing what I want to be doing?  Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?  Is there more out there?  How do I get out there?  Am I scared of failure? (Yes)  What am I good at?  How do we get from here to there?  What will people say if I go for it?  What if I stink it up?  What if I become poor & destitute (a bit dramatic, but it happens) What if I am an old maid?  What would I do if I knew I would not fail?  (I love and hate this question bc it gets me thinking about tons of things)  Then my mind wanders and it never ends well.  Then people say "what do you feel God is calling you to?"  Alright, sometimes I can't handle this one.  If I knew the answer, I would most likely not be in this predicament.  I have no idea.  Then I think of the things that I would like to do, but don't know how to actually do them (sounds trivial I know).  So here I am.  Sorting through loads of ideas.  And doubts.  And more ideas.  Wondering how to go about them. Then someone (someone cool) asked "what are you running toward?"  Well, I have no idea.  Why do I not have an idea.  Gah.  I don't think I am running away from anything, I just don't don't what to run to.  So that is where I am today.  It could all change tomorrow.  Who knows?  If anyone has any suggestions (positive only) feel free to drop them here.  Until then I am going to continue doing the People Mag. crossword (the only kind I can complete), drink my iced coffee and listen to Pink because she has an attitude and I think she most likely does what she wants.  I promise I will make myself be in a better mood tomorrow, but today I choose to be edgy.  It happens.

Transition, if you know what's good for you, get the stink out of here,
SRS

PS- Tonight Herb is getting sworn in.  I am wearing a dress + pearls.  No comment.  (maybe this is why I am edgy?)

3 comments:

  1. If something scares you, it's almost always a sure sign that you should do it.

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  2. I think you're in good company. I'm sure Moses had those moments in the dessert for 40 years... I'm sure Noah had those moments on the boat... I'm sure Paul had those moments as he was shipwrecked... I'm sure Ester had those moments, and Abraham.

    Hard times yes but good company.

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  3. phew - you had me worried. the last time i heard a woman talk about transition a baby was born.

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