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Monday, September 2, 2013

These Words

"God allows in His wisdom, what He could prevent in His power."

I have read these words a lot.  I keep re reading them and they hit me every time.  So, the last few months have been less than stellar.  This is a fact.  But sometimes I catch myself taking in what I have learned.  I never am one to catch myself learning at the present time, but sometimes, much, much later, I realize that maybe God was showing me something.  (I always realize these things at the most random times) I say this now with a good attitude.  If anyone else were to say this to me (along with several other words that do not help any situation) I would have to restrain myself from tackling them.  Plus, I can be told something 1 trillion times, but it only works if I figure it out.  Well here are some things I have learned:

You can feel two completely different emotions at the exact same time
Sometimes God has to knock me over the head with things
My faith needed some definite growing
We need JOY
We need to find what we love and do it
We need community
We need good people
You can feel distant from God, but close at the same time
He wants us to ask Him for more

And then I read these words. Game changer.  I have been praying and praying and screaming and asking and begging.  (This sounds dramatic, but its not.)  I have been questioning, doubting and asking up a storm.  And I was hearing zilch.  So then I would get mad. And the cycle would continue.  Before I read these words, I was kind of getting to a rather tough spot.  When I first read these words I did not like them.  At all.  But then I kept reading them and I thought wow.  I thought of all the things that have been tough, there have been places that I have learned so much when I didn't even know that I needed it.  I keep thinking how able He is.  How wise He is.  How powerful He is.  How knowing He is.  I forget all of these things when it all goes to Hell and a hand basket.  But, on the back end, they come around.  As much as I don't want to believe that He knows everything that is happening, He does.  As much as I want to be in control, I know that I shouldn't be and He should.  I don't always know it right at the time, but I usually figure it out the hard way somewhere down the line.  

For now, these words are heavy.  They carry a lot of weight. They give me assurance.  Maybe I don't need to be saved or rescued from something.  Maybe he is trying to teach me something. Maybe he is teaching me to wait.  To trust.  To dig in.  He could fix it.  But what is he teaching me by not?  That's the million dollar question.

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