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Tuesday, September 17, 2013


“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”—2 Corinthians 4:16-18(NKJV)

I don't know how I could have possibly missed this verse.  Not that I read the Bible on an incredibly regular basis, but I feel like people throw verses around left and right and for some reason this one has never stuck.  Until tonight. 

I'm leading a small group/Bible study with a friend and today was our first one.  I was honestly petrified. I felt like I was going to die on the spot.  I would rather get up on a stage and do some type of self deprecating skit than have to prepare something spiritual and share it with the safest people around.  But, alas, the Good Lord likes to challenge me.  And challenge He did.  I wanted to throw up almost the entire time (hopefully it will get easier), but I think it went as best as it could.  We shared about seasons/stages of life.  As I was trying to explain mine (without being a downer) as of late I realized some things.  It has been hard.  I have gone through it kicking and screaming and hope to never return.  But I will.  Life is messy.  We love people and we lose people.  I hate it, but it will happen.  I never thought I could handle it, but I've learned that I can't.  Only He can.  If I actually let Him.  Now, knowing what I have learned, I am so eternally grateful.  Grateful to have been surrounded by my people.  Grateful to have had to let things go.  Grateful to have had to answer when I least wanted to.  Grateful to have seen a depth that I didn't know was there or was even possible.  I saw something that I never would have.

I think the above verse is killer.  My outward self was dying (dramatic I know).  I think it was headed that way regardless of the last few months.  The process was just sped up a little faster than I would have liked.  But, truly I tell you, the inward has changed.  There are things deep inside of my heart that I did not know existed.  Good and bad.  And it has been hard/terrifying and cool trying to hammer them out.  My heart feels renewed.  My faith feels renewed.  Now this isn't all the time.  I still have all the hard thoughts, but there is an underlying current of grace.  And peace.  It's too hard to begin to describe.  So just disregard most of this. 

Time.  I was talking to a friend a about time just this afternoon.  How one year felt so incredibly fast.  Yet, so much has happened.  When I think about it, it is full of moments.  ( I am a savor the moment kind of gal) Moments that I would not trade for the world.  The things unseen that have happened are priceless and I'm sure I'm still not realizing all of them.  Heck- some of the ones seen, as crummy as some were, have taught me the most. The thought of there being more cool unseen things is so cool.  To know that these moments are eternal is pretty damn awesome. 

No idea if this made a lick of sense.

Peace and blessings..

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