And so it begins.
Alright. I am about to give some full disclosure here. Vulnerability at it's finest. I've been meaning to write this for many months, but kept hesitating. Maybe out of fear or insecurity. Or maybe I just didn't think that the world was ready for what is about to go down. Or maybe you would think I was a cray cray. Oh well. Lately, I have been trying to drop this whole fear thing, so I am going to give it a go. It's about to get real up in here. Buckle your seat belt. Maybe all the boys can stop reading now..
And so begins the Open For Business Saga.
If you know me (even the slightest bit), then you know some of the Sarah Sass basics. I am not what some would call prissy. I love my ugly blue fleece jacket (some compare it to a sweatshirt, but I see it as the Hope diamond. Okay, maybe not that nice, but you get my point). I love to fish and hunt. I will do almost anything to avoid things that make me uncomfortable. Such as dressing up. Or talking about periods. (There I said it.) (sorry to the boy readers out there). I don't love change. I could eat at Mozzo everyday for the rest of my life. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. I play it tough, but I am a sap. Huge sap. I can now cry at any moment. Happy or sad. I love my people. I like the Atlanta Braves. I love sad songs. Seriously. Sometimes a sad song just gets you. Nothing like listening to sad songs with a nice iced coffee while riding in the car with the windows down.
Enough of the background info. Here goes nothing. If you have known me prior to 2013, then you know that maybe I haven't always been the most fashion forward woman on this planet. Not the worst per say, but definitely not the best. Dressing up or even actually just matching my outfits was never actually a concern for moi. Until now. I have had a little inspiration. And here is where we begin.
I'm just going to be straight up (may get in trouble for this, but I'm taking a chance.) Many moons ago I was talking to a friend. A good friend. Probably complaining about something. Like womanhood or losing all of my friends to marriage. I'm sure I was dooming myself to becoming an old spinster. I'm not even sure how this went down. But I was kindly and gently informed that maybe wearing the fleece everyday and a backwards hat was not exactly key in my scoring an independently wealthy other half. (I'm not really after the other half- it was just the topic of one of many conversations.) This was actually one of the best and definitely most hilarious conversations that I have ever had the pleasure of having. Normally I would excommunicate someone from the pleasure of my friendship for speaking such heresy, but for some reason I was not offended. (Supernatural powers must have taken place) (Nobody get any ideas bc this was a one time thing) In fact, slowly, but surely (a little kicking and screaming) I weirdly have embraced it. I shocked myself. (Still in a little shock). Maybe deep down, this person was speaking a little truth? Maybe I was avoiding. Maybe I was hiding. Why? Who knows. Lack of self confidence? Fear of rejection? To much time in the friend zone? (Getting deep here I know) Could it be possible that I had a little pride deep down in there? Could I have been fueling this "I don't care attitude?" Now just to clarify- this whole conversation was encouraging. (not condemning) I was only 40% uncomfortable. I probably made it more dramatic than needed, but it's what I do best. I felt like coach Taylor had just given me the clear eyes, full hearts pep talk. I was ready to throw for the end zone. (Or happen to find Tim Riggins) Maybe don't wear the fleece every single day. Maybe brush the hair. Maybe match the clothes. Maybe learn about flats. Maybe care just a hair (hehe). While this has all been very entertaining and hilarious, there are bits of it that are true.
So where are we now? Well, I'm happy to report some improvements. I got Toms. I got a fashionable watch. I have many different stripes to sport. I got some hair product and like 5 different shampoos. Picked up some moisturizer. I got white shorts. I got red shorts. I got skinny jeans. I got colored jeans. These seem like little tiny things to the average civilian. But, let me tell you. To this Tom boy in recovery, it has been like moving mountains. I'm even less scared of boys. Miracles do happen people. Womanhood is harder than I thought though. Way too much shiz to be dealing with. Seriously. I wasn't even aware of most of it. I'm not sure it's even worth it, but I'm going to keep sticking it out. Because I have noticed 2 things as of late.
1-I weirdly have more confidence. I don't know what has made that change, but I feel more confident some days. Don't want to get mushy over here, but I am not the most confident person that you will know. I'm actually pretty insecure. I just try to play it off. (With a fleece and skate shoes...or with some sarcasm or humor) Flying under the radar was much easier than looking like you actually tried... Don't get too excited yet. I'm not bouncing around singing Christina Aguilera's "I am beautiful" over here, but we are making some headway. We are more in the Celine Dion/98 degrees encouraging stage.
2-The feedback. At first, I didn't pay much attention to it. But lately, I keep getting surprised. I keep getting the funniest comments. Seriously. You would be amazed. Half of me thinks it's hysterical. The other half is mystified. Mystified that people are noticing. Which ultimately leads me to believe that maybe I wasn't as cool as I thought. The fact that people notice my shoes or bracelet concerns me a little that maybe I was a little worse off than I thought before this Open for Business revelation. Hello? Friends why did you not inform of all of this over the last 27 years? I 14% blame you for this situation. But, really, the feedback has been the best part of all of this. I die laughing almost on a daily basis. You know you are moving mountains when the bishop comments on your enhanced girliness (Sorry bish) I posted a picture of some accessorizing on Instagram today and got quite a hilarious response. The best part is that most of the comments come while in the presence of my Open for Business friend. It couldn't be planned any better.
So I have decided to embrace this fashion fanfare if you will. Now, just so we are clear- I am not about to burn the fleece or anything, but I have been upping the game a bit. I think there is more to come, but this is enough embarrassing disclosure for tonight.
Your inner fashionista,