Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Friday, January 11, 2013

People of Michaels

This is dramatic.  You are hereby warned.

It is no surprise to you that I am not what you would call "crafty."  I'm very self aware of this.  Trust me.  I envy "artsy" people.  I have grand thoughts of things, but I fall apart where the rubber meets the road phase of the crafting.  Most of the time, I can pump myself up enough to commit to the craft, until I realize that I will have to go out into the world and get the provisions for the craft.  I HATE this part.  This is where I usually quit or find where I can buy it online.  This is because I absolutely hate going to Michael's (or Walmart.  or Hobby Lobby).  Here is why.  Michael's makes me feel dirty.  I am not a germaphobe, but for some reason I feel like it is so dirty up in there.  Also, It is huge.  It is like a craft Mecca.  There is crap everywhere.  It really pisses me off that they are seasonally challenged in there.  I mean, you could probably walk in there and find your fourth of July decorations in there.  IT IS JANUARY.  Then there is the smell.  I like a good smell.  I don't like when there are like 327 smells merging into one smell.  Not good.  It makes me a little nauseous.  I start sweating.  Get a little weak in the knees.  It's downhill from there.  If I by the grace of God get into a Michael's, then I almost always need some type of assistance.  I never know where the junk is, how much I need etc.  Somehow, I can never find any nice, sweet soul to help me without feeling judged.  Yes, it is obvious that I am a crafting Padewon.  No need to verbalize it.  NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING OR WHAT IS GOING ON..... And no I do not want to knit.  Or puff paint a sweat shirt.  Let's move on to the picture frame department.  It's no secret that they have great sales on frames.  No argument there.  However, every time I go look for frames it looks like Shrek has been browsing.  They are always scratched to hell and are cast about the aisles.  I. just. can't. do. it.  Just once I want to get in there with fresh pickins.  It stresses me out.  I will need four matching frames and there will be three semi good condition ones and 25 trashed ones...  So I will have to  concede to the three and come back again... NOOOOOOO.  I recently just ordered some mats for 2 big frames.  (Luckily I had some back up to help me in many areas..  I would have gone down if I was alone.  Too many choices.)  My indecisiveness was in full swing.  If he told me the color was really "popping" one more time... He could have been seriously injured.  Then he told me my debit card was the awfullest he'd seen.  "Looks like it had been run through a sander." Don't dis the plastic.  So I was indecisive and insecure.  Then I am told that you have to wait for weeks before getting the mats.  It took me so long to decide on two stinking colors only to be deflated from my high of artsyness.  What do you mean I have to wait?  I can't take them home and actually frame my junk?  Great.  Then there is the exit.  This could be the worst.  After you barely make it in for your supplies, you walk back only to find a 575 person line.  This is when I unravel.  I will be standing at the end of it.  Holding my crafts because I am too stubborn to get a basket (too much commitment).  I stand there and watch my fellow Michael's customers.  After a few minutes of not moving because the coupon monster is doling out her 450 coupons, I sketchily move to the side, stash my junk on some floating aisle display and roll out.  Abort the mission.  It is seriously a MIRACLE if I go to Michael's, go inside of Michael's and then actually leave Michael's with purchased goods.  And then I immediately feel the Michael's burnout.  It's like a craft hangover and I haven't even done the craft yet.  I tell ya- it's tough out there.  I blame this all on Pinterest.

Stay Crafty,

No comments:

Post a Comment