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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Hot mess express

Lately, I have been super emotionally. Like girly emotional.  This is kind of new to me. I usually like to have a little emotion and then push on.  But, it appears that I'm changing my ways.  Sometimes against my choosing. All aboard the hot mess express.  Any ways, it has all got me thinking.  I keep thinking about the word vulnerability. Vulnerability means you are liable to be wounded. Doesn't that sound awesome...  But for real do we really want to be vulnerable?  I've thought about this.  A lot.  Being vulnerable is not telling some one (the right someone) all the good stuff about you.  Unfortunately, being vulnerable is the good and the bad. Even the ugly.  And boy it can be UGLY.  Trust me.  It is a huge risk.  But, I keep thinking about how special it is to be known. How special it is to be loved. And how incredible and freeing it is to be known and loved.  At the same time.  It kind of blows my mind. 

I have also thought about it in a deeper way. Sometimes its a lot easier for me to be vulnerable with a dear friend and maybe not so much with God. Even though God knows it all, I tend to be less communicative.  And I think it has to do with control.  I also think it has to do with fear.  And then I got to thinking, have I truly given God my heart?  Have you?  I am not sure, but I'm definitely going to be thinking about this a whole lot more.  I know the fears I have and the trust that I lack. It's a vulnerable deal.  It's like a giant pile of vulnerability ( lots of times I don't want to step in it.)...  How does one even actually walk this out? I'm not sure.  But, I have a feeling I will be finding out... Like it or not. 

I came across a Psalm that really struck me.  Being in relationship with God and each other is life.  Out of relationship with God and each other is death.  Sometimes I feel like its too easy to have one foot in each. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the power or even the want to always choose life.  Frankly, its harder and messier. But, we were created for life. We were made to be in relationship with God and with each other. From the very beginning we were made to be vulnerable and to do life together.  I think that is extremely hard sometimes and frankly, I don't feel equipped to do it. Luckily, for us, we don't have to be.  Please don't get me wrong, I rarely do this correctly (my people have to re direct me often).   I read this Psalm and it just got me. I want to be in the land of the living. ALWAYS. FOREVER.  I know that I have and do see the love of God through other people.  100%.  It is the most evident to me through people that love me and walk alongside me.  They risk it.  They are vulnerable and they are loving.  They are the land of the living and they are all in. They are in relationship with Christ and they are loving me. The more loved that we know that we are, the bolder and more confident we will be.  And I think that is where I find the Lord. Check it out. Love to you all.
Psalm 27:13 Remember this always.

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