Dear Brother

I process a lot by writing.  Today a very dear friend lost his battle today and I can't sleep.  I have about 2 billion thoughts running through my mind.  Through my heart.  So here I am.  I have so many things that I am thinking, wondering, hashing out, but for now this is all I've got.

Dear Brother,
This is just so surreal.  You and Royall were, are and will always be my first two brothers.  I remember when I met you for the very first time.  I think you were about 4 or 5 and were already sporting some kind of sassy tude.  We were on Dewees.  I still picture you with that blond hair and dark skin.  You truly were one of the most precious kids I have ever seen.  There are so many things I wish that I could have told you.  And I hope in some way that I did.  The two most important are these.  1) I love you.  So. Much.  More than you would ever and could ever know.  You have a piece of my heart forever.  2) Thank you.  Thank you for making me break the rules more times than I'd have liked.  Especially when we tried to sabotage some of Margaret's dates...  You always knew I was a rule following wuss and you tried your best to break me of that.  Thank you for giving me a glimpse into drag racing.  Every car ride was a small glimpse into Nascar for me.  Really.  We all know that you could tear up some tread.  Thank you for teaching me incredible hand eye coordination.  Throwing Mike N Ike's into Margaret's nice ceiling light fixture for a few years  will forever be one of my favorite childhood memories... Thank you for putting me in a deer stand for the first time.  Teaching me to shut up and listen up in a tree.  I will never forget screaming the words to "Hot Blooded" in your truck one several occasions.  Or driving your unwilling little self to tutoring at Dot's.  Or watching you drink a six pack of Mt. Dew or seltzer water in one sitting.  You are the only person that can make me so mad one minute and I will love you the next.  I never knew how you could do it.  Well, actually we all know you just flash that lil smile and get what you want:)  Never had been attacked with a bull whip before you.  Or convinced to drop in on a skate ramp until you.  My tail bone still thanks you for that.  Thank you for the love of most of my hobbies.  I blame you for my deep seeded wanting of 4 wheelers.  I can clear as day see us hauling butt down the train road on those four wheelers, hitting every single puddle possible.  For making me watch School of Rock way too many times.  It made me want to learn guitar.  You introduced me to ghetto rap.  Car rides with you were never dull.  For many, many reasons.  You made me watch Blow with Johnny Depp.   And I still have no comment.  I will never watch wedding crashers or duck dynasty without thinking of you.  Thank you for all of the boat rides we have logged.  Most of which were probably when sitting, stranded in our old boat.  Awaiting rescue.  You and Roy took me on my first off shore fishing trip. Thank you for always confirming my hatred of Crocs.  I hereby forgive you for wearing them.

Most of all- Thank you for being you.  You are and forever will be one of the best.  Behind your deep, husky voice, was tender, sweet and huge heart.  You had a gift of making everybody feel like their best friend.  You were a special person to so many.  You encouraged me in more ways than you know.  You changed my heart Rob Shore.  Forever.  Growing up, I always thought I would be the one to teach you, but you managed to one up me once again.  I don't get it, and I probably won't for a long time, but I know you are relieved.  You have run a race that so many couldn't have.  You had real courage.  I listened to your voice mails today and even in the hospital you were cheering me on.  I will forever cherish our cheesy jokes and terrible e cards.  You loved people.  You loved me.  And you did it well.  You continue to amaze me.  Seriously- you are the only person I know that can go into the hospital for an extended stay and land one heck of a girlfriend.  You got talent:)  I'm going to miss you.  A whole lot.  Without you, Roy and Marg, I don't know if I would have met Jesus like I did.  Never would have thought a road trip to the Outer Banks in 9th grade would be the start of my faith.  I wouldn't have met Jesus.  Or Roy D. Mercer....  You could talk me into or out of anything.  I will forever cherish our talks in the hospital.  Wilds and I crashed the family dinner tonight and I am so glad we did.  Never thought I would ever be standing in there with the fam under those circumstances, but I think you would have been proud.  I broke Lent once again for you...  Honestly, seeing Royall tonight made me so proud of you two.  I love how much y'all love each other.  It does this heart so good.  You were a good brother.  You are a beloved friend.

I know I'm not ready to say good bye yet.  But I must. I am still trying to sort this out, but I know one day that I will.  One day it will make sense.  One day I will have a peace about it.  Thank you for being ever so faithful and for being vulnerable with me.  I will remember it forever.  Thank you for being my friend.  Thank you for teaching me.  Thank you for just being yourself all of the time.  You my brother are one of a kind.  Tonight I can't say good bye, but I will say until next time.  Every time I am on the water or in the woods I will think of you.  My friend. My dear brother.  I love you.  You will forever be my brother.  Forever a fighter.  You will ALWAYS be my hero.  Love you long time my friend.