They are psychotic alien creatures masked by tiny humans with ice cream dripping from their ears. Ok. I feel better. I like kids. No, I love kids. So please don't get offended. But, I just need to paint a picture here.
I randomly get to do some photography work for Chick Fil A and in return I get paid in coupons. Which is AMAZING. That being said, I was meeting my friend (who is a mom and totally understood the sitch that was happening) at the chicken factory. Now, I understand it was lunch time and moms are in complete survival mode. This by the way is not directed at any moms, just noting that kids turn into crazy alien tiny humans while at chick fil a. We were catching up because we hadn't seen each other. We were seated near the play area. I will add that the chicken factory was jam packed. I had to circle the lot like 127 times and had to fight several mini vans for a spot. When I found one, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. It is a dangerous world there in the tiny ass chick fil a lot during the lunch window. I saw about 300 mini vans with stick figures on the back and felt like such an outsider.. While we were catching up, I kept hearing these brain crunching screams from all over the building. The Aliens. Running crazy. Tasting freedom. I felt so bad for the moms. They have to deal with this every single day. For a very long time. There they were, thankful to have made it into the outside world, to have other adult interaction, only to have the little tiny people reuniting with their own kind and running crazy. Taking out little babies and the elderly as they dart for the play area, taking down anything in their path. One by one, they would pass our table. Staring at you like you are one eyed. Kids have an incredible stare stamina by the way. They will lock eyes and hold it for a solid amount of time. Just enough time to make you question your entire self. Why am I, the 28 yr old, feeling insecure?? As they passed I noticed one had ice dream dripping from his ear ( a solid drip flow). I saw one with ketchup all over his rear (probably going to spread it onto something or someone else). I even saw one threaten to hit another mom in the face with his shoes. Its dangerous in there. Then I heard this incredible banging noise right next to me. I thought a window was breaking. No. Just a kid banging a matchbox truck into the window with all of his might right next to us. Staring us down.. It was an attack of the tiny humans. They clearly have strength in numbers. All I could think about were the moms. The poor moms. Run ragged by the tiny aliens. Day by day. I bet they are so glad school is starting back up. Seriously. I don't know how you do it. This Buds for you.
Until next time,
Traumatized 28 yr old kidless single person