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I am a hot mess express going full throttle

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Crazy Train

That moment. When you know you have just hopped aboard the hot mess express. Actually more like the crazy train. I was full speed ahead on the crazy train yesterday. I do not know when I hopped aboard, but at some point I was driving that thing like a beast. I usually stay pretty steady, but I'll be honest, all the forces were working against me. I had to wake up at 5 for the gym (more on that next post), I'm eating healthy so therefore, I am HANGRY all the time and I took every tiny thing personally yesterday. Plus, I set off a silent alarm in a clients house at work, slammed my finger in the door and dropped my phone on a driveway. A while back, our bible study read the Bait of Satan and I kind of prided myself on usually not get offended. Well the tide has turned. Pride has been swallowed. I ended up taking the bait, hook, line and sinker. I even cried in Michaels. Ps- I HATE MICHAELS. Seriously. That joint gives me so much anxiety. And smells like fake cinnamon. Any who, the moral of my terrible day was that I took the bait and what I saw was ugly. My reactions, thoughts and feelings were pretty ugly. Plus, I couldn't fix myself. That is where the problem is. Instead of me trying to make myself better or not take things personally, I should've asked for help. Not driven around with road rage calling every single name on my favorites list. Thankfully no one answered.. (except you Stephen-Thank you)They would have probably had some form of PTSD. I should have stopped and asked for help. For clear thoughts. I should have even prayed one tee tiny little munchkin prayer. Nope. That would be way to easy. Instead I let it all stack on top of each other and then have an awesome melt down.. I realized that I do not always think clearly. Or positively. I also realized I actively try to protect my feelings from being hurt a lot. I also sometimes let totally DUMB things hurt my feelings. So today I woke up, went to the gym and then gave myself a pep talk. I need to be okay with myself the way I am. Good feelings or bad. I need to practice not getting worked up or going after the bait on first cast. I need to rely on God to work it out with me instead of me working it out with myself. I'm sure I will be back on the train one day soon, but today I am on the other side. Peace. PS- sorry for the absence. Might be back soon:)

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