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Thursday, July 9, 2015

Fat Camp: The Skinny Bitch

Hello people. Sorry for my very long absence (Stephen reminds me daily). I have been occupied. I am not like the normal people. I can't work, be social, keep dragging my ass to the gym and try to eat healthy at the same time and blog. Nope. It literally takes all of me to keep going to the gym more and going to Taco Hell less. (Tears)  But, alas, sorry for the absence. As you know, I have been routinely getting my ass kicked at the gym this past year. And I've also stopped eating. Jk. But it feels like it. I've been grieving the loss of my old lunching life. Sad day my friends. Even though it has COMPLETELY sucked, we have had some good results. I routinely complain/cry/bitch/moan to my dear friend about this. All of the time. She is like my fat camp AA sponsor. I think she secretly enjoys it though, so sorry I'm not sorry. She came up with this theory. The skinny bitch. It has been defined by its creator as: the focus and energy it takes to look good and be thin clearly makes people a little stressed and severe. I think they are plain HUNGRY. Let me explain. Most really skinny/fit people we know are at times bitches. You have to be. To keep up the bod, the healthy eating, the dream weaving- you have to. The more cray cray I become, the bitchier I tend to be. We also joke that my end goal is to become a skinny bitch. The person who goes out to dinner and gets a side salad. Keep in mind, if this ever happens to me then hell has probably frozen over. No joke. Actually that probably will never happen. Basic end goal- Walk through Costco without sampling every damned free sample that is edible. Or not sampling fried chicken off the Whole Foods hot bar while no one is watching. Let's be real- someone saw that. Not cool. But, it doesn't matter. Its done for the goal of skinny bitch. You must convince yourself that you'd rather look good. You turn into a biatch, but you are a skinny, starving, deprived biatch. But, you look good. So there you have it. I have been trapping myself in my office and the gym, eating rice cakes and chia seeds. Just kidding... I'm not cured. I say all of this in fun (don't be offended if you are a skinny biatch-its a term of endearment. I hope to join your ranks one day..). Until next time, Keep Eating (I'm with you in spirit), The not so Skinny Bitch

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