Just a little bit of guns & dresses

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

People of the gym: BOOBS

Every time I go to the gym I get a little touch of anxiety.  There are many reasons for this.  However, there is always one that is consistent. Nakedness.  At some point in my time there, I usually happen upon a naked person.  So far I've been lucky in that it has been limited to the women's locker room. I dread ending the workout (which is a miracle) and heading to the locker room.  I hold my breathe as I round the corner and come head on with the big mirrors. Usually I make extremely awkward eye contact via the mirror with a naked woman.  Seriously disturbing.  I just don't think I would ever be comfortable standing buck-ass-naked in a room full of people.  No matter how rock hard my body would be.  Nope. I don't see it happening.  Any ways. I made it through the mirror area harm free only to be stopped dead in my tracks.  There she was.  I would guess she was in her 50's.  NAKED.  Right in front of my locker.  ( I have to give her credit- she def looking good for her decade) (I mean that in the most normal way possible.)  Alas, I would have to talk to this person... Clearly I am the only person on earth that is uncomfortable with this because there are herds of naked people in this locker room on a daily basis. I casually make my way near my locker.  We make extremely awkward eye contact.  I begin to ask her if I could slide by.  Immediately she faces me.  Basically her giant boobs were looking me right in the eye.  Like right at me. At this point I just have no idea where to look.  It was just too awkward.  Finally, in moderate inner panic I get to my locker.  I was in such a tizzy that it took me forever to figure out how to open my lock. Pretty sure I stopped breathing at some point.  Then came the worst.  As I was putting my phone in my bag and gathering my things, the lady was putting on a sock and somehow lost her balance.  Of course, me being the closest to her, she kind of used me to prop her up quick.  In one slight motion her boob touched my arm.  I was undone.  Seriously.  A strangers boob plopped on my bare arm.  Un cool.  I'm no prude, but a stranger's boob on the bare skin is a deal breaker for me.  Of course we then made weird eye contact once again.  I'm pretty sure my voice was doing it's 13 yr old crack when I helped her back up.  I then sprinted to the showers and tried to burn the images from my mind.  Just another day...

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